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washing the cat

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

167

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

Mailmans Last Day

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

349

It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the fourth house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, which she closed behind him, and took him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he had enough, they went downstairs and she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "But what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea."

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

watch your beak!

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

177

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

the loch ness monster.

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

205

A Scottish atheist was spending a quiet day fishing in the lake when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both. As the Scotsman sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

Growing Wild

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

197

Here is this guy who really takes care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day. One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it. He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the sand except for the one part sticking out. Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world." The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?" The first little old lady says, "Look at that." "When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it." "When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it." "When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it." "When I was 40 years old, I asked for it." "When I was 50 years old, I paid for it." "When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it." "When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it." "And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild!!"

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

back from the dead?

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

167

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

8 yr old question.

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

181

An 8-year-old girl asks her father, "Daddy,what is sex?" The father is somewhat surprised that she would ask such aquestion. But, he reckons if she's old enough to ask the question, then surely she's old enough for a straight answer. So, the father proceeds to tell his young daughter all about the "birds and the bees." After a brief explanation, the little girl appears wide-eyed in disbelief. "By the way,dear, why do you ask?" the father asks. The little girl replies, "Mommy told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

Demon Granny on wheels.

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

236

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!," he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit-Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am." As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his "You-Know-What" in his hand. "Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel, "Not that Damn Breathalyser Test again!

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

cdl driver

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

222

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

witch one are you?

First post and replies | Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

186

Every woman has a marilynin them....they just need to find out if its monroe or manson. lol.

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

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