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tired dog

Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

Posts: 1

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap." The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

economic lesson

Last post by imafixn2b, 4 years ago

Posts: 1

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80's, go to a sex therapist's office.The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..'He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.This happens several weeks in a rowThe couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.She's married; so we can't go to her house.I'm married; and we can't go to my house.The Holiday Inn charges $98.The Hilton charges $139.We do it here for $50, andMedicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7

By imafixn2b 4 years ago

Animal Heaven

Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

Posts: 1

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

airplane capitan.

Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

Posts: 1

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

only those who like America songs will get this.

Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

Posts: 1

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

retired and bored

Last post by imafixn2b, 4 years ago

Posts: 1

Didn't like shopping there anyway. Yesterday I was at my local Walmart storebuying a large bag of Ol Roy dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkoutqueue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do,on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Ole Roy Diet again.I added that I probably shouldn'’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'dlost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of mostof my orifices and IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it worksis to load your pockets with Ol Roy nuggets and simply eat one ortwo every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works welland I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone inqueue was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's arse and a car hit me.I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.I'm now banned from WalmartBetter watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the worldto think of daft things to say.

By imafixn2b 4 years ago

mortgage

Last post by baldeagle1965200, 4 years ago

Posts: 1

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with an $80,000 mortgage and no bike!"

By baldeagle... 4 years ago

Farmers Birth Control

Last post by imafixn2b, 4 years ago

Posts: 1

There were these three girls who were getting married and they all met at the marriage Councillor's office to discuss the options of having or not having a baby right away.They were two city girls and one farm girl. The Councillor asked them if they planned on having a baby right away or were going to wait awhile. They all said that they had discussed this with their potential husbands and had all agreed to wait awhile.Well, the Councillor asked the first girl what type of birth control she planned to use. Her answer was, The rhythm method. That will work, said the Councillor, but only if you keep a good record.He asked the second girl what system she planned on using. I plan on using birth control pills she said. Again he said, Yes that will work as long as you don't forget to take them.He then asked the farm girl what system she was planning on using. Her answer was, The bucket and saucer method. After a short delay, he told her that should also work.He asked them all to come back in one year on a specific date for a follow up on how things were going.. They all met again one year later and the two city girls were pregnant. Only the farm girl was still slim and trim.Well, the Councilor asked the first girl what method she used and what went wrong. She replied, I used the rhythm method but somehow got my notes mixed up and, well here I am, going to have a baby.'He asked the second city girl what method she used and she replied, The birth control pill . But we were camping one weekend and I didn't have my pills with me and as you can see, I too am going to have a baby.He turns to the farm girl. I vaguely remember you were going to use the bucket and saucer method. Now I must admit that I don 't have a clue what the bucket and saucer method is. Will you explain it to me as I see it has worked well for you.She replied, Well, we always make love standing up, and since I am quite a bit taller than my husband, he stands on a bucket turned upside down. Now as we are making love, I watch his eyes, and when his eyes get as big as saucers .....I kick the bucket out from under him.

By imafixn2b 4 years ago

whales

Last post by Lady_Cher, 4 years ago

Posts: 2

steaks

Last post by Lady_Cher, 4 years ago

Posts: 2

By baldeagle... 4 years ago
@baldeagle1965200 OMG lol

By Lady_Cher 4 years ago
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